Amazing Year

So, it's the end of 2013. What have I gone through? So many I think. The first time I was chosen by my ex-head to join an accounting competition. Although it was cancelled, but I was honored could be chosen because I bet there were many other seniors that are better than me. I also could meet nice seniors back then. Then, I also had the experience to manage my class to hold an event as the final project of OB, and it turned to be a success event I think. Because of it, I know that it's not an easy thing to hold an event and so many things needed to be considered.

Another one might be I was accepted as the main member of KJAI and accepted as the Auditing team program staff. I was so happy, because I didn't expect to be accepted. Then, I could meet nice friends at Jakarta although in the end, I quitted as the main member.

In friendship things, this year is the year of boosted friendship I must say. The year where King of Opera is created. The year where my friendship with E is growing well. The year where Trio Chubby at last has a group chat at Whatsapp. I must say that all of them could be happened because of His grace that allows me to drive. I never imagine that my friendships with them can be that amazing this year. I never imagine that I could cry for his sadness. I never imagine that I could celebrate Christmas at church with Trio Chubby. I never imagine that eventhough they are busy, we could still hang out together.

About my faith to God, I really thank God for His grace and eternal love, as now I read the daily bread, pray and I wanna read Bible starting from next year. Day by day, slowly I learn to take His commands. I also feel that my life is getting better, and so does my family. All thanks to Vutet also, she helped me a lot.

Thank you God, for allowing me to pass such an amazing year. Despite the sad part, I think this year is one of the best years in my life. I have grown so much. Your love, Your faithfulness, Your grace will never stop. I hope that next year will become another amazing year. God bless =)

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Hard Slap

Well hello, Merry Christmas everyone! =) So happy that this year I could celebrate Christmas with Trio Chubby and thanks to Yulie for informing me and reserving seats for us =) Another blessing again, Vutet gave me and Wenny a book for each of us, about Christianity. Me got 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan, which is actually I want to borrow from her this holiday, but she decided to give it to me although she hasn't finished reading the book. Thanks Vut for the book =)

Actually I've read the first and second chapter of the book, but I decided to read it from the beginning again to refresh my memories about what I've already read. This book is very amazing I guess, open up and correct all my perspective about Christian life. And there's a chapter, about the profile of lukewarm people. Hah, I just felt like being slapped hardly when I read about that chapter. I realized that I'm still very far far far far far far far far away from what God wants me to do. I felt like I'm the most useless human being that He ever created. However, He always loves me, and always will be. I wanna learn, slowly but sure to love Him unconditionally. I wanna learn, to devote myself to Him. I don't want to be a lukewarm person, partially committed to Him. My feeling was overwhelmed nonstop when I read the book, like there was a war inside it. I wanna talk a lot to Him tonight...

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Friendship

Today, seems like God kept on letting me see and telling me things about friendship. From the daily bread, my friend's post on Instagram, my buddy's friend blog, and TV show. I dunno what do all of things mean. Several thoughts were in my head today. First, about my college friends. I just dunno and still feel skeptic about them. Usually it's me who makes somebody into my best friend first, then the person will admit it after some time. But this time, the other way round happened. She made me her best friend, while I'm not, I just feel like we're close friend. I just don't have that feeling as I make my buddies my best friend. Am I a bad person? I just feel ordinary about our friendship, and I also dunno how she defines best friend. The second thing is that from my buddy's friend blog. Well, he is Christian also and he really devotes himself to God. That was what I could say after I read the blog posts. The interesting point is that this person has the same thing as me, love buddies so much, of course the love that cares like siblings. However, his is more extreme than mine. I think that I'm the one who is abnormal for caring buddies too much, even more than my siblings, but there is another person who is more extreme than me. And the last one is from the reality show in TV. Well, I must say that duo's friendship is a true friendship. They really care to each other, cry and laugh together. It made me remembered of what happened to me when my buddy had 'that' problem. I really hope that my friendship with him is a true one, based on God's love. So much lesson about friendship today, thank you God =)

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Beginning of an End?

Wow, left this blog for half of month. Yeah, quite busy for my final things and I'm sooooooooo glad that I've passed this semester. Bye semester 7, won't miss you for sure XD

Well, after his problem, I had a problem a week after his. Yeah, it was about the community that I'd joined. At that Saturday, the director asked for our confirmation whether we would attend the birthday event or not. Then, I texted him to inform him that I wouldn't go, as I would have my final on those days. The director's reply wasn't that nice, but I just thought it wasn't a problem. He told me that there would be an assignment and I could accept it. The thing that made me so disappointed was the director's tweets. He retweeted news about Jakarta's vice governor and tweeted things that opposed him. Not only that, he wrote 'CINA' in his tweet. I couldn't believe that he could be a racist person. It was such a waste, an intellectual person yet racist. The climax was he teased us who wouldn't attend at Whatsapp group, he said that we couldn't go because of the assignment that he would give. At that time, I decided to resign from this community. Many things convinced me to resign. First, the program for each department doesn't run at all, only the 'kultweet' that is being run. Then, the articles that he asked us to write are nowhere, and he also asked us to collect our mid paper questions, but no news at all until today. Seems like it's out of its real intention already. Only if there is an event, then this community is very active. I just wanna ask, is it our fault if we can't attend the event? Our reason was reasonable, we were having our final! Not only that, he seemed like indirectly forcing us to attend the event, does he think that all of us had the money to go there? Why didn't he discuss about the date first? If he thinks that he can act at his own all of the time, then forget it, I just can't stand with person like this. This is a community, not a company.

So, today I decided to send email with my resignation letter attachment in it to the director. No hard feelings, because I'd prayed for this decision for 2 weeks. And God really answered my prayer. I texted him and he just said that he already checked it, only that. It was good that there was no attempt from him to say something like 'Please don't leave'. The one who was very sad was my manager. She was kinda shock I think. Yeah, this is my decision already, there is no need for me to be in this community. The reasons that I told them were I have to handle my family business and need to focus on my thesis. I also added some 'spices' in my letter, hahax XD I must say that, my ex-manager is the first and the greatest manager that I ever had. She is the most caring person in my team I think. I just hope that my ex-team will still be a great team, and I can still become their friends. I just felt relieved and maybe this will be a beginning of another twist in my life. God, never stops giving me surprises in my life =)

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Done My Best

I've done my best to encourage him, to accompany him so that he won't think about it anymore. But still, he keeps on talking it again and again, hahax. Yeah, it needs time, as time passes, I bet he won't talk or relate anything about it anymore. This is the last day I can hangout with him, as I need to prepare myself for final and he'll be going back on Sunday. This past week is the craziest week, 6 days I spent with hangout with friends, hahax. 4 days of them I spent with him. Yeah, I just can pray for you, buddy, let God recover you. Hope that you can concentrate on your studies again, and have fun with your life as usual. Just be the usual buddy that I know, okay? We'll have fun again the next time you come back =)

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Still Grateful in Difficult Days

Hmm, the post-birthday days were just tough. Dunno, I just felt what my buddy felt, but of course not as huge as his. I was sad and still a little sad till now. I cried when I went to church on Sunday. At the time of singing the songs, I couldn't stop crying, fortunately my sis didn't know although she sat beside me. Praise God after that I felt kinda relieved, and I could focus on my college things again. Yesterday, I brought him to have a lunch in order to become his friend to share with. I knew that during this hard time, he needed someone to be talked to. I just wanna do my best as his buddy to help him recover faster. God, please recover him faster...

Haha, am quite happy today. Supposedly to have replacement class till 3 pm, but the lecturer cancelled it because he had to do his things. My class had planned to have a lunch together today, then we went to Kalasan to have it. I never had the feeling that they would celebrate my birthday, as it has been passed for 4 days. After we finished our lunch, suddenly Nency and Lidya came into the restaurant with the birthday cake, hahax. I didn't notice that they were gone. Then, we took many photos and the restaurant did play the 'Happy Birthday' song. This is the second thing I am being grateful of. The first one is that my friends, Stevani and Jessica Wijaya gave me birthday gift. I was touched and it was batik and a watch. I dunno how they knew that I want a watch. I just thought that I want a watch last week and it was come true =) Thanks God, how You love me so much =)) I can't stop of being grateful as You never fail to give many surprises in my life =)

Eventhough I still haven't recovered yet 100%, but almost recovered, I'm still grateful and grateful for blessings in my life. This year's birthday is just very different. Although there were no celebration on the day, but I'm still grateful that God still gives me chance to live. That is the first gift. Another gift is I can help my buddy who is having his difficult time. I'll try my best until he is recovered 100% and become the usual person that I know. Oh yeah, he will be having his competition tomorrow, gonna pray hard for him =). Here are some photos:

 My age is decreasing XD

 Make a wish!

*blew the candle*

 The trio! =D

The quartet!

 Lovely Boston =)

 Gift from SK and JW =D

Yesterday's lunch with him =)

So Wrong

This is the second time of this year, the second person that very close to me, who have done something best but didn't get the deserved things. This is just so wrong, really. Why do these people have to face situation like this? I dunno why, they have done their best, but they have been hurt. People change very fast. If this is the best way for him, then I bet this is what God really wants that it should be happened. I just dunno, it's him who has had the problem, but I am very sad right now. Yeah, fortunately my college things are almost over, coz this thing has a big impact on me also. Just hope everything's gonna be alright. I'm sure that God really loves him and has a better plan for him...

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New Age

Yeah, today is the second birthday in 20s of my life. How I'm grateful that God still gives me chance to live in this world =) I'd like to thank God for my amazing 20's life back then. From the Boston Art Competition, had the chance to join the competition although it was canceled, became the committee of NOMS regional selection for the second year, accepted as KJAI main members, had been recognized as brother of my ex-head, learnt Character Building, first time going to Jakarta alone, boosted friendship with buddies, till have been reading the daily bread. Despite the sad parts of my 20, the happy parts overcome all of them =)

Today was filled with wishes from many people through Line, Whatsapp, Facebook, and Twitter. Received his call this morning to speak of his wishes to me, and Wenny's voice note was heart-touching :') Just grateful that there are still many people who give wishes to me although there was no celebration. Spent my day by going to USU to have the monthly consolidation of North Sumatera. Quite fun talking to my junior and my friend, hahax. Just hope that this 21 can be a great year for me =)

First Long Nag to Buddy

So after I posted the last post, I still couldn't feel relieved, then I posted my feeling as depressed on fb. My buddy suddenly called me to ask me whether I'm okay or not, I just said kinda okay and I'll tell him later about the problem, because it was close to dinner time. Around 8.30, after I indirectly 'forced' my sis to go to my mom's room, I called him and started to nag about my problem. Just around 4 mins then suddenly the call was ended. I thought that the balance had already been 0, but before I had the chance to check, he called me back. Then I continued my nag to him. This is the first time I shared so much story to him. He gave me his point of view and advices, which were make sense I think. After almost one hour, the call was ended suddenly again. He called me several seconds later and I asked him about his account balance that had been spent. Surprisingly, it left 4 millions O.O Wow, how to spend that? We continued our talk and he had his turn to share also. Today is his day to encourage me, hahax. I really thank God for having buddy like him. He made me realized of several things. Thank you buddy, thank you for wasting your time hearing my nags tonight XD I'm very relieved now =)

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Repeated Nag

Here I am again, nagging and whining over something that has been nagged since last year I think. Yeah, about my family. It has been 4 days since my father's leave to Gorontalo, and this house is more silent than usual. Left my mom and my sis with me, the 'family' meaning is blurred already. I dun feel like I'm home, I have the urge to go out somewhere, as long as out from this house. They say your family is your home, my case is not. On last Sunday, I brought them to a café to have our dinner, and wow, no atmosphere at all. Three of us kept our attention on our phones. I felt weird, my mom couldn't open a topic to be talked of, it was me who always found a topic to be talked of. It was ... meaningless.

This is what happened when ur family isn't based on love. To tell you, I was raised in an autocratic family, yeah, military-like family. My mom is a strict person, no matter what ur reason is, as long as you violate the rules, you are in deep trouble. Meanwhile my dad is not very emotional person, but once he is angry, then it seems to be the end of the world. My mom is also a negative thinker person, which is caused by her lack of self-confidence. I used to inherit that thing, but as I grew up and learnt about Christian, I changed my mindset of being always think negatively. Just like a coin, there is always a good and a bad side of their parenting pattern. The good side is I grew up with discipline and good attitude, but the bad side is, I never feel direct love of them. I am human, I have physical and mental needs. I am grateful that they put me in Christian school, and all of this time I can fulfill my mental needs through prayer. It's useless to tell them about your problems, it'll end up with the responses that u can expect since the time you start to tell your problems, and I dun want to burden them further with my problems. I never share my problems anymore since SHS, except for very serious problems. This family really lacks of love. I even forget the last time I ever hug my parents. We rarely say 'thank you' and 'sorry'. They think that saying those words are very embarrasing. We rarely celebrate birthday, and even they forgot their children's birthday.

When I see my friends' family, I often envy with them. Their family is the real family in general. Their parents can express love freely, and so do their children. Especially when I see E's family, wow, how I wish I were in his family. Is it equivalent between having no parents or family with the situation that I'm having? If yes, all of you should know what my respond is. I try to love them, but it's hard with this kind of situation. I know I'm supposed to be grateful of still having a family, of still having complete parents until now. But what is happening is I'm like a stranger in this house, and my sis also changed into a loner. Oh God, sorry if I nagged too much and showed to You that I'm not grateful about the situation that I'm having right now. Only this is just what I felt.

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Welcoming My Month

Well, my month has come. Began it with an unusual day for me. My father went to Jakarta today, as the first stop before going to Gorontalo to see my bro's condition and also find opportunities to expand his business. Then, me, the only boy left in my family, must be responsible for protecting my mom and sis for a week. This morning, I had an appointment with my friend, Randy, to meet my lecturer, to ask for my campus students' database for his survey. Fortunately my lecturers welcomed him, however they couldn't give him the database as it's the privacy of the students. Actually he can conduct a survey in my campus, but the problem is that my campus can't give him stamp as the verification proof. Feel bad can't help him. Despite that, he said that my campus status is not permitted by his lab assistant, as my campus is "Sekolah Tinggi", not a university. The last unusual thing is that I fetched my sis from her school for the first time and I was almost crazy because of the traffic jam!

Another good news from him, he made it! He got the second rank for the competition that he joined =) Always be the buddy that I can be proud of, never stop on making and giving excitements in my life. Really grateful of having him as my buddy, thanks God for letting me be best buddy with him =) Well November, I can't wait what excitement you will give me this time.

2 Years of WPCAL

Hmm, time sure flies. Now this blog has been 2 years. Dunno why for this year I lose the urge to post something on this blog. Just see it by yourself, this is only the 39th post for this year, and left 2 months for this year. Maybe it won't reach half of last year's post. Hmm, maybe it's because that I can't feel blue again now, and I'm used to with the feeling of being alone. However, now I rarely feel alone since I've started to read the daily bread =) Haha, happy birthday to you, my blog! A nice place to share my life stories =)

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Encouraging Her

Just read her post. After I read her post title, I'm also wondering, just like the title, "Where is Carissa Clarence?" Yes, seems like after she enter her uni, the old her has been gone. And after each year passed, she suffered a lot I think, I can't understand why, because I'm not in her position. Many people said that the "Lion Cage" city is a hard place to live in, but I think that's not the only factor that made her so depressed and felt like she lost her life. She is alone, yes alone. She needs people to encourage, to comfort her there.

I used to pray for her every night, praying that God can relieve her stress, give her strength in her life. But after that 'incident', I've stopped it. I can't tell the reason why. After reading her post this morning, this question popped up in my mind, "Should I pray for her again?" and I decided to start it again starting from tonight. You know Car, you can just pray to God when you feel that your life isn't going well. Just cry if you need to, just pour out all of things that burden you, He will surely heal your pain, encourage you, give you strength to face this world. I dunno whether you find Him only when you feel you can't bear with your life burdens, I just wanna tell you that you should find Him instead of what conditions you are having in your life. I know that I'm not that perfect and even still at the lowest level in my spiritual life, but this is my suggestion as your friend. I believe that the old you that I used to know will come back again if you try again and let God has his part in it. You'll find your way of life, and all you need is believe that it'll happen and believe in Him =)

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Rare Circumstance

Well, this morning I was quite surprised as I got a missed call and message from my buddy. He asked me whether I had free time as he would talk about something to me. This circumstance happened for the first time in 8 years of our friendship, hahax. Then I replied him to just call me. About 10 mins later he called me. Actually he was having problems, and is having them which are quite burdening him that made him felt it's necessary to share it to someone. Tomorrow will be such a hectic day for him, as he'll join a Biology Competition and also he'll have his block exams. He's afraid that it won't be going well tomorrow. But there's another prob, the real prob, which I can't share it here. Hmm, when I heard his voice on the phone, yeah, he was not in his good condition, he was not the usual 'him'. I encouraged him with several words and he asked me to pray for him. Of course I will, and I've done that since that day. Think of wanna comfort him more tonite. Tomorrow he'll tell the real problem to me in details and I dunno whether I can help him as I am dumb for this kind of thing, if he asks me about accounting, I'll explain to him clearly, but for this thing, I just can help him with my logic sense. You can do it buddy, I know you are a strong person, and don't forget to leave the rest to God, as He is the one who owns our lives =)

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Irregular

Hah, this week had been the most irregular week for me. My schedule was out of my plan. Yeah, my grandma passed away on Sunday. It was a sudden sad news =( I knew it from my bro, he chatted with me through Line. Actually that was the day I had my outing day with KoO, and we were heading Sushi Tei for our lunch and planning to continue our day at Matador. But in all of the sudden, when I just arrived at Sushi Tei, I contacted my bro as I saw there was a missed call from him. Then he told me that my grandma was having heart attack and asked me to go home. I told him that I still hadn't had my lunch and I would go to see my grandma after lunch, but.... Two minutes later, he told me no need to see my grandma anymore as she passed away already. I was speechless, and I almost lost my appetite to eat. I felt sorry to my gang members because they had to know it even before our outing day started. I wanted to call my father, but then I didn't, as I knew my father wouldn't think clear if something like this happened. Around 2 hrs, we finished our lunch and I fetched all of them home. Around 4 pm, I arrived at home and went to my grandma's house and saw that my grandma lied on her bed with no breath anymore. Felt sad, however, her face looked peacefully. Very sudden indeed.

The chronology is like this. Actually my grandma would go to Penang to have her injection for her bone on Monday. Then, my father asked my bro to call my grandma before she went there. My bro then asked about her condition and so did she. Then suddenly, she couldn't speak clear, and my bro felt something was wrong. My bro quickly called my father to tell him about my grandma's condition. My father wasn't believed at the first place, but then my bro forced him to go. My parents rushed to my grandma's house, and my grandma was dying. My father was very panic, couldn't think well of what medicine that she should take. My mom landed her hand on my grandma's forehead, finding that it was cold already. Until today, no one knows what was happening to my grandma. There are several possibilities that my bro said, it could be stroke, can't breathe because of the slime, or heart attack. 

Couldn't think well for several days, as of this was happened, that shitty blackouts and my irregular schedules. Hmm, but at last today is normal again. Hah, tired also, because of lack of sleep. I just can pray that God gives strength to my family to let my grandma go. Yeah, many memories with her, love u grandma :')

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Can I?

Hmm, seeing my buddy has a nice group of friends, or maybe I should say, another family of him, makes me envy actually. His group is such a great group I think, where they can go anywhere they want and also encourage each just like they are brothers from the first place. Just if I had continued my studies there, how wonderful my life would be. He was also a great vice leader of his campus Christianty group, many juniors love him so much. Haha, can I envy? I know I shouldn't, because it means that I'm not grateful with my life that I have. But, this is my nature as a human. Just I can reframe this issue with everyone already has their own portion in their life, and he deserves what he's having right now =)

I'm just wondering, how it will be if one of my buddies is taking the same major as me and is in the same class with me? Will it be fun? Will it be better? Or may be worse? I tend to answer it will be better, however, that's just the answer from my point of view. What is happening now, is the best that God has given me, I should feel grateful, not comparing my life with others and then envy with theirs =)

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Pass a Prob, Come Another One

Haah, at last I passed the  orientation. It was tiring of course, but it wasn't that hard, compared to my ex-uni one, which was very very tiring and quite unethical. I've fulfilled the certificate requirement from my campus by now! Quite relieved =) Hah, until today, the final result that has been posted only Taxation 2, still dunno about other ones. I'm afraid the most is Audit 1, I can't predict what grade will I get at all == Hopefully A! *finger-crossed* Now, now, another new problem, last night my friend asked me whether wanna volunteer as the students who will answer the questions that will he asked by the accreditation officials on next Monday. Haah, sucha thing that made me headache. I said yes to my friend, as she needed around 3-4 people again. I wondered why it was not held together with the Management accrediation last time. So today, I need to go to campus for attending the meeting, to learn the answers that will be answered to them. I also don't understand why the meeting is held at 6 pm == 

Hmm, besides that, still the old prob that hasn't solved yet, still lack of people who want to take Audit concentration =( The time is shorter and shorter for the decisions. Really hope there will be a miracle for this....

If Only I Had the Power

Beginning from last two days, when I got an info from my community friend about an accounting competition. I informed my 'brother' in the campus, to get the permission to join via Whatsapp and Line. Then, he answered my chat from Whatsapp. I was very shocked when I read his answer, really shocked. I kinda couldn't believe it. I really hoped that it was a joke, or a lie. But, this is the truth, the sad truth. He has resigned from being full time lecturer and the head  of Accounting Major. My God, I really hoped that I was dreaming at that time. Then, he told me the reason behind his resignation. It was because he felt being not appreciated by the campus. He did a lot lot lot lot of jobs, but then his salary was not worth at all. There were also no performance appraisal, so how should his works be appreciated without that? At that time, I understood why he wouldn't teach morning classes anymore. This is what we called an unfair life. I was really really sad, not only because his resignation, but also the reasons. How could good and kind people are being used so much? They are not robots, they are humans that have feelings. I am really disappointed with my campus, dunno whether I can still be proud of it or not. The tuition fee is increasing every batch, yet they make it as if it would bankrupt soon. I'm not the person who became the victim, but I'm sad until now. My remaining year in this campus won't be the same anymore, I dunno whether it will be a fun campus life again or not. I also lost my spirit to join that competition. The new head, which is the head before my 'bro' became the head, is not really interested in thinga like this, and I dunno how to contact or find her also. I should say, this is the darkest time of my campus. I just hope that no other victims like my 'bro' and hope that my 'bro' is happy with his decision. If only I had the power, I would retain him as my head of Accounting Major...

Tiring Month

Hello, almost 3 weeks no post for this blog. Yeah, those past weeks were quite hectic one. Many things I wanna share here. The first one maybe about the national meeting of my community. Actually, it should have been very fun, but then I was sick because I was too tired == You know what? It was hard to travel alone in a new place. You are all alone, although you are with your friends. Fortunately, my community members are really really kind and care to each other. I felt quite comfortable being with them. When I told my mom that I was sick, seems like my whole family was panic. My father even called one of the community's member, my God == My father was panic until he scolded me on the phone when he called me. At that time, I was angry also, because they were too panic and I felt that I was failed to take care of myself. Sadly, I couldn't join the second day field trip, it was supposed to be fun of course. My father asked me to go home earlier, and he asked his friend to fetch me to the airport. Thanks God also that I was recover quickly. After that day, I started to study for my final. Hah, it was quite tough, but I could do it.

This semester's final is quite special. Very special I should say. Because my batch and my major is the only one that has the exam until the 5th day. Haha, it was quite sad, on the last day of exam, left only my class in the morning. I dunno whether this will happen on the next semester also. Well, I'm afraid of one subject only, which is Audit I, as I had many doubts in the final paper == Hopefully got A for it. Dunno why also I felt not excited for the final, maybe because I'm too tired with this semester already. But in the end, bye bye semester 6~~~

Hmm, I can say that this time of my buddy's comeback to hometown is the special one. I counted that I had about 5 times of hangouts with him. Hahax, it was because I can drive already. The most special one is maybe on his birthday. Me, CT, Lupe, WK and his gf came to his house around 1.30 PM to give him birthday surprise. He was very very happy I think, hahax XD That he kept saying thank you to us repeatedly and he got the predicate of 'Gan Dong' boy because he kept saying that XD

Haaah, this month, maybe the month that teaches me many new things, I must end this month and start the new month with my campus orientation, as I haven't joined it. Hopefully I can pass it well without any problems. Also hope u can pass ur OSCE, buddy! =)

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Improvement

I just realized that my friendship with my buddy, E, has improved. Yeah, now he really cares with what I said, responds to it and even tries to find me solutions when I tell my probs to him. Know what? We can talk like no boundaries that restrict us, we can talk like the water flows. If there is an unlimited time, maybe we can talk about 1000 topics XD *lebay* Maybe only him that responds to my critics positively most of the time, that he laughs on his weaknesses =) Haha, wish he were my real brother. Thanks God for always preserving our friendship and improving it time by time =)

The Difference

I was wondering something today, what makes it different between high school friends and situations with university's? Why do I stick more with high school friends than university friends? Maybe most people know the answer, but is that the only reason? That university friends are just friends only inside the campus and strangers to us outside the campus? I dunno, but I think that it's because I spend less time with university friends. Just imagine, only two hours a day and 5 days in a week, compare with 6 hours, even sometimes more, in 6 days in a week when I was in high school. Eventhough I don't like some of them, but I miss my high school friends a lot. I am also wondering, will I miss my university friends after I graduate? Maybe not I guess, because I don't see the friendship bond inside this class. Hmm, life's tougher and tougher when our trusted high school friends aren't there to walk with us, while maybe sometimes we are in need of help. Loneliness, is the thing that hurts, but I must learn to cope with it...

When Ego is Beaten

Hmm, it was hard to decide whether to call him first or wait till he contacts me. Then, I buried deep my ego and called him to ask him whether he could go out for lunch today. I said I would fetch him, then he asked me whether I myself drove my car. I lied to him that my bro who would fetch us, hihi. Then, about half and hour, I arrived at his house and called him to inform him that I had arrived. About 5 minutes later, he went out and kinda surprised when he saw me who was driving, hahax. We decided to have our lunch at Posh Café which is located at Kompleks Multatuli. Hmm, the food wasn't that nice. We had our long chat, told stories, shared laughters =) We didn't realize that it was 4 o'clock then we left the place. He asked me to drop him to his gf's house. Seems like his gf was surprised too when she saw me driving XD Well, I feel kinda relieved, at last I meet him before my final test. Maybe next time this ego should be thrown far far away =)

Give In

Hmm, he has been in town since two days ago. As usual, he didn't inform anyone. But others know that he came back from BBM. If one of my friend  didn't tweet it, then I wouldn't know. He hasn't called me or contacted me until now. I dunno, I myself don't have the urge to contact him and ask him to hangout with me. This morning, he asked us (Quest) at Line group chat to meet at Sun Plaza and asked for a ride. Surprisingly, no one responded. I dunno whether they meet or not in the end. Hmph, wanna hangout with him, but should I always be the one who ask first? Should I be the one who always gives in? Dunno, this time I'll just keep silent and wait...

2nd Year of Reframed Friendship

Hmm, it's already the second year, since that day, where our friendship were saved, or "reframed" in a new way, which is better than the previous years. I can't imagine, if that day never happened. Will I still be your friend? Will I still care about you? Will I still respond to you if you talk to me? Maybe no, I guess. I should really thank for your bravery =) 

Well, happy 2nd year of Confession Day, my buddy! Sorry for these several months of not contacting you, as I also know that you will be busy all the time when you are still in the middle of your semester. Haven't seen you online-ing these weeks, and I will understand the reason =) 

Erm, just a friendship quote for you : Relationships last long because TWO brave people made a choice: "To keep it, to fight for it and to work for it!" I dunno will our friendship last long forever or not, but I believe that having you as my buddy is not a waste at all. May God bless our friendship always! =)

How I miss those moments that have filled our friendship =)

Sudden Missing Feeling

Wow, almost a month of my absence in posting something here. Yeah, busy busy and busy as usual when it comes near to the end of the semester, and it becomes more hectic started from next week. Just finished the 'Mega' project of Financial Statement Analysis. Tired, and it took one month to finish it. 273 pages, the thickest report that I ever seen and made == Even thesis won't be as thick as that. Well, kinda relieved that it's over, and another project is waiting and gonna start to do it next week. Next week will be a very random week I guess, 2 replacements and seminars at 18,19,22,23 of this month. The 'good' thing is that all class will be cancelled and needed to be replaced == I think that this semester will be the semester with the most replacements. All schedule for all subjects are very confusing now. Hopefully all subjects can be finished in time.

Hmm, new term for school students has started. Seeing my sis in her new class and SHS grade 10 students from my school made me somehow miss my high school moments. Dunno why, that feeling just came and became more intense as I tried to remember my high school memories :') Haaah, guess I'm really old now huh? Can't imagine that time really flies, with light speed. By next year I would have been doing my thesis, which means really close to graduate from my undergraduate study.

As every day passes, I dunno why I can really blend with my loneliness now. Missing my buddies? Yes, but not as intense as I used to be. It's true that time changes everything.

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Looked Stupid

Recently, dunno why I'm excited in making the second part of Quest Letter, especially to those who I consider as my close friends. Did 3 of them, but then the last one was maybe a disaster to me. I did it last night, and got not a good respond from the person. This 'complicated' friend just responded with 'what is this' and laughed. That was not the climax of it, the climax was that she told Questers through Line's group chat. How could she 'telmi' like that? Really, I never expect that she could be like that. I was very embarrassed and speechless. I am looked so stupid, really stupid maybe. I decided to delete that note. Maybe it's time for me to stop hoping that we can be close friend. Yeah, she never catch the signal. It's better that we are just so-so friend, a friend that helps and talks when we need each other. This is not a failure, this is a lesson for me. Hmph, maybe it's better this way...

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Crisis

Just googled on the ways to preserve a long distance friendship. Felt kinda stupid on searching that. It's not that I dunno how to preserve it, especially with nowadays' technologies. I opened up a blog about someone who has a buddy. He wrote that friendship needs to be maintained by both sides. Not just receive, but also give. Not just to be understood, but also understand. Not just to be helped, but to help as well. Not just to be listened, but also to listen. I dunno, I just feel that I am the one who did most of the last phrases of those sentences. I'm already tired of struggling alone. I'm not a super human who can bear all of the things. If they care, they should have been struggling for it as well, but I can't find that until now. Should I give up on them? I will think thousand times on it, but I also feel tired already at the same time. Should the July 14th things happen again for the second, third, so on time? Haahhh, this life can be stressful sometimes...

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Amnesia Like

This afternoon I read a note posted by a friend of my buddy, it was about his disappointment towards some friends of his in relation to Christian. After I read that note, I finally knew the real meaning of disappointment. It was normal for a human to be disappointed, but Jesus doesn't want it. So we should go back to what we used. Maybe I was also disappointed with my buddies. But, how do I go back to what I used to be? I forgot the way I talk or share with them, as our intensity of meeting each other can be counted with one side of hand. Just like having an amnesia. Just now I chatted with one of my buddies. It was very cold indeed, I myself even lied to her as I said that I was alright. I dunno how to go back to two years ago situation, when we could chat and share everything we want. I know that I'm the one who is changed, and I'm still trying to stop that change and go back to where I used to be. A dillema of my life. This ego feeling often stops me from starting a chat with them. God,  please help me solve this problem...

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First Real Job

Haha, got a good news. Actually I knew the news on Sunday, but I just had time to post it here. Hihi, I passed the selection of an accounting community as the staff of Auditing Program team. I really dun expect that I could pass, since there were around 170 applicants. I felt confident for passing the first two selection phases, but for the last one, it was quite tough. I had to read a journal and write an essay about it. And the journal wasn't about general accounting issues, it was about implementing love in accounting. Extraordinary topic, isn't it? I tried my best to write the essay, thanks God the director chose me =) My junior was also accepted, hahax. Never expect she was accepted in the Managerial Accounting Program team, as she is only in her second semester now. Hmm, something is bothering me post-my-acceptance. There will be a plan from the director to have a national gathering at Jakarta this July. If the ticket is sponsored by them, then I'll go. But, I still have classes on July == Oh yeah, my job is that to make tweets about a topic of Auditing, the manager will arrange the schedule when we should send the tweets' draft to her. Tonight is Auditing's tweets, and the tweets' draft which is tweeted by the director was made by my assistant manager. It was cool, mine is still lame if I compare to his. Haaah, thanks God for giving me this job, I'll try my best for these two years =)

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Danger

Somehow, the last part of the sentence of that quote is what is really happening to me now. Just substitute the "virtual" with "college" and "real" with "school". Yes, now I feel more alive and comfortable with my college friends. This is bad, and I am in danger now. Dunno why suddenly I feel like wanna run away from my school friends, including my buddies. I don't have that 'urge' to find them anymore. I dunno why, maybe because I'm too tired of becoming the one who always find them first? I just wanna see, whether they still care about me or not. Haahh, I just feel sad, with myself, and them. Changed, yeah, indeed I have changed. So sorry, I am trying not to change, and still trying to maintain what it's supposed to be. But then, a relationship needs efforts from both sides, not just from one side...

End of Second Year

Hmm, quite some time I left this blog, dunno why I dun have the urge to post something here. Yeah, I've entered the new semester, which is the last semester for this second year. Time sure flies, left one year for college life. After that, I must welcome the working life. Hmm, this semester is making me a lil' bit excited, as I meet one of the subject that will be my concentration next year, which is Audit. I know that it will be a full theory subject, but then it's better than taxation. I also know my character, which is suitable with audit works. This semester also has a subject called Character Building. At the first time, I think that this subject will be very useless and wasting my time, as the class is on Monday evening. But after two meetings of it, I feel grateful of having this subject in my college. From this subject I can really know my character, and how to become a better person for my surroundings. I really hope I can learn many things in that class to enhance my personality. Oh yeah, about last semester results, I'd like to thank God for the perfect GPA again O:) It's insane that for OB, whole batch got A XD The lecturer gave last good impression to us, as this subject won't be in the junior's curriculum again XD

Hmm, as I have spare time, I keep on thinking how are my buddies now. I wanna ask, but end up with the feeling of 'I dun wanna disturb you'. Then, feel sad of that incapability to know their news. It's just an endless loop. Should I be the one who always ask first? Why won't they ask me? Do they still care about me? Sorry, these are just my random thoughts. Hopefully nothing bad happens...

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Comfortable Loneliness

Hmm, dunno why now I feel that loneliness is my friend now, as it was my biggest enemy a year ago. I feel comfortable when I'm lonely. And you know what? Suddenly I lost my interest of hanging out with Quest. Why? I also dunno the answer. I just feel like it's better to hang out with a few people only than in a big group. I just feel more comfortable with that way.

Another thing is that I really lost my style in communicating with my buddies. I lost the way we talk with laughs. Now, when I chat with them, it feels like almost all that I said are serious matters. The frequency is also diminishing, maybe once a month. Or maybe never in a month. I just wonder whether they will ever find me or chat with me first, as I am always become the first one who find them. Yeah, slowly but sure, I find that being alone is a comfortable thing again. I dunno this is good or not. Maybe it's just today that I feel that way...

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KoO's hangout

Had the first and the last hangout of KoP for this month. We should have started our hangout at 1 pm, but then the rain was pouring quite some time, so we postponed it till 1.30. Wisely fetched me around 2, and we arrived at Sun Plaza around 2.30. Helen was waiting us there, hahax. As usual, the latest creature, who is Yulie, was late again == She came 5 mins after Wisely and me arrived. Then, we decided to have our lunch at Itcho Sushi. Hahax, only 4 persons, but our convos were just like 10 people were talking XD We had our lunch and started to talk, share, and laugh. They told many stories while I wasn't, maybe that is my nature already. The only one who had the most stories was Wisely, seems like he could share many things and 2 hours weren't enough XD After that, we left that place and went to Gramedia to look for several things. The last thing and the most time consuming thing that we did was finding another place to sit and drink. We were like lost sheeps which couldn't find any suitable place to sit XD During our search, we were 'caught' by Bella's family. So, we talked with them for several minutes and continued our search after we departed with them. Finally, we found Rachel's Recipe, a small café to sit. The drinks, errrr, not that good. Stupidly I ordered Milo which was 14000 IDR and only 1000 IDR 1 sachet outside there == We took some photos there and played our game on Helen's Ipad, King of Opera! After some time, we decided to end our hangout day, and went home.

Hmm, quite some time not posting things like this. I'm glad that I can still hangout with them =) But, something's really lost between me and Wisely. It's not like we used to be, where we can talk about many things during our way to any place. Maybe because we already have a different orientation, and we rarely meet. I miss those days when we can share many things, but then it won't happen anymore I guess. Haaah, the most important thing for me is that we can still be best friend, we can still talk and help each other. That's all...

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The 2nd time

Yuhu~ Gonna pour all of things that happened for the last 3 days. It's April and same with last year, my buddy from Jogja asked me once again to help him to become the committee for region of Medan of his university's competition. Actually I didn't wanna join this year, as the day after the competition was the first day of my exam. So, I tried to help him by asking help from other friends. Actually I got around 3 people to help him, but he said that he needed 6 people this time. After several days of searching and knew that CT also volunteered, then I decided to volunteer myself after some consideration. In the end, there were 5 people who volunteered, me, CT, Lupe, Aciwe and Alvin.

Then he asked us to online through Skype to talk about something. This time is different, he couldn't go back to Medan, as he had exams for becoming lab assistant. So, he asked one of his friend to substitute him. He introduced him to us through Skype. As usual, we laughed a lot when we had our chat through Skype, although I couldn't speak or laugh because my sis had slept XD

We (minus Alvin) gathered at our lovely school two days before the competition, and there we met his friend, named Kevin Paul Johanes. First impression, quite a quite person. But then he could blend well with us. Maybe he is the same type as me, hahax XD We had to meet our ex-principal, to talk about the competition. Just to talk for 5 minutes, we had to wait for more than 2 hours == We gathered again the day before the competition, as we had a technical meeting to prepare ourselves for the competition.

Well, now I wanna give some feedback about him as the leader of the committee this time. I think that he is quite autocratic in assigning duties for all of us. Not only that, he is not a flexible person. He kept on using the guides given by my buddy. Yes, the guides are important, but it shouldn't make him to become not flexible. But then I can't blame him on being autocratic, because he knew us just 2 days and he didn't know anything about us. It will be different if my buddy leads the team, because he has known us for years.

On the competition day, we were kinda late in starting the competition, as the participants were late == We used two classes only this time, as the participants were only 45 people. So, each class had 3 committees inside. I was paired with Kevin and CT. When he started with all of those opening thingy, I was a lil' bit surprise that he talked less than what it should be, and his voice was quite soft. Maybe it was because he lacked of confidence in talking to public, but he really tried his best. He was also a strict exam invigilator. He wrote on the event report the participants who were indicated of cheating. The funny part was that he wrote 'Number 32, 34 and 36 are having a conspiration ...' Hahax, conspiration XD Well, he asked us whether we wanted to eat something during the competition, because he bought snacks and drinks for us. How kind he is =D When the competition time was over, we moved to our lovely base, the High School administration office to correct the exam paper. We finished it quickly because 4 people corrected the paper. But we had to wait for about 2 hours for the results, as we had to wait for other regions also == After that, he announced the result to the participant, captured some photos with the winner, then they went home. We went back to our base and captured several nice photos XD I'll post them at the bottom. We also had to wait for the winners' decisions whether they.wanted to go to Jogja or not for 1 hour == And they wanted it. Then, we went to Food Print café to eat!!! At last, I could fill my growling stomach XD We had chit-chat and laughs at that place. Then, we decided to go home.

Haah, one thing is that it's a pleasure to become the committee for the second time =) Another thing is that I can meet a new friend. I dunno how he is when he is with my buddy at Jogja, but I really think that his type is kinda like mine, has to find suitable people to activate the 'real' side of himself XD By joining this event also taught me that my anxiety was too over, and God made all of it beautiful in His time. I did well on my final exam today =) It was just like a dream, passed too quickly =)

The committee for this year!

Us with certificate of appreciations =D

Narcism time is needed XD

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Boston Art Competition!

Phew, finally this project has been over! Yesterday was the big day. I had arrived at my campus around 9, and found no one except the security men == Then I waited about 10 mins and the man who promised us to help opening the all rooms that we needed came. 2 of my friends came also, 1 of them hijacked her bro and driver to help us XD The 'good' thing was the class who used the hall didn't take out all the chairs, and..... we had to take out yesterday == Even before the event we had been tired already. Finally, one by one came and we prepared everything that should be prepared. Boys were doing the hardest thing, which was moving second floor's tables to the hall, meanwhile the girls doing the photograph thingy. Luckily, maybe the campus officials called the office boys and girls to help us. If not, maybe we would late to prepare all of them.

I was like crazy people who ran here and there to make sure everything's okay. No time to sit until the competition started. Fortunately, many people came, even our Managing Director and the Head of the Association came. Kinda honored by their presence =) Our lecturer came an hour after the competition had started. Haah, she was wanted because we needed her to sign the certificates for the judges and winners. She was watching around, and I didn't know what she was doing until the end of our event. I was just to busy to solve probs that happened during the competition. Yeah, even the event had started, probs were there. From the judging results, participants' parents nags, participants' silly acts, and so on. Hufh, we could solve it well I guess. Well, we could do it till the end! After the event had over, we took some pics together, also with our lecturer. Our lecturer said "Good job!" Haaah, kinda satisfied and happy XD Another important thing was, we didn't need to move back all those tables and chairs! Thanks God for that XD Although we made loss, but the loss was not that much, not more than 15,000 IDR per person. Not bad for an amateur event B)

Well, I really learnt a lot from this project. First, of course the team work. Because of this project, we really meet together to discuss and solve problems that arise. We also can take initiative to do something, not just waiting somebody's command. I also learnt to communicate, not only to my classmates, but also to outside people. I usually don't talk too much with some classmates, but because of this project, I talk to them a lot XD Then, I'm a typical of talking to strangers. But, because of this project, I have to. I did the telemarketing, I did talk to the campus officials, and other people. I also learnt how to manage a team, although I was just the co-leader. It was hard, because this event was quite big, and many things were needed to be prepared. I needed to brainstorm everyday, to think out things that needed to be prepared for the day. Last thing is, how to be tolerate to each other. There were 'frictions' in our team, I knew that, and that is when we need to tolerate to each other. Fortunately, those 'frictions' didn't mess up our team work.

Haaah, I'm really glad that this event went well and was over. I really thank God for His blessings for this project. It really taught me that everything will be beautiful in His time =) But, we need to write an essay about this project == Hufh, this lecturer is seriously wanna make us busy all along...

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Days of Uncertainty

Hmph, left one more meeting for this semester and I'll face final exams in three weeks ahead. Supposedly I could relax, but because of this big project, my days will be spent with stress, pressures, and uncertainty. Hufh, how I wish I didn't have this project, my life could be brighter now. Thank God that it's going well, erm, not that well. It's very very hard to find participants. I'm out of idea already about who to ask or to promote to, yet some of my friends still feel relax and think that everything's ok.

Haaah, I just hope that this event will be success, I don't care whether my class will make loss or profit, I just care about the success of it. Since all of us won't lose all of our capital, then I'm not afraid of loss. But, I'll post about what I've learnt and my impressions about this project after the big day. On the other side, this project is good for me. Hopefully I can share many things about it. Two more weeks, I hope that it will be going well, Amen...

PS: Happy Easter Day, everybody! =)

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Tired-driven Nag

Hmph, really tired these days. It's all thanks to that OB final project, my class have to think of many things to make sure that the event will go well. First thing first before I forget, the competition that I joined had been cancelled. Haha, that university must be too great that even such a competition they couldn't hold. My lecturer was very angry, upset, or anything else related to that. He nagged and nagged to me when he knew about the news. Yeah, they were really wasting our time. We had spent much time to prepare for the competition, yet they cancelled it so easily. My lecturer has to replace many class because of it. My seniors also need to speed up doing their thesis, as their time were used for the preparation of this competition. Me? Not disappointed at all, because I learnt many things, and met nice and crazy seniors XD I don't regret at all, although the competition was cancelled =)

Now, for that lovely final project. Hufh, the lecturer criticized many things about our criteria for the competition. My God, why doesn't she become the leader? She suggested and indirectly forced us to follow her suggestion == Hufh, change, change, and change. I wanna bang my head to the wall now == Why doesn't she let us to do it with our own way? My friend has ever experienced this kind of event, of course she already knows how to hold such event. Hufh, this lecturer, seriously, is very good at making "Bo Kang Co" thingy. Haahhh, really hope that everything will go well as it should be, and the event will be success...

Kinda Overwhelmed

Hufh,these days are getting tougher. I can say that this month is a chaotic month for me. From the competition to projects, I really wish I could divide myself... The competition will be held on Wednesday, and tomorrow I'll have to go to the competition place to attend the technical meeting. I really dunno what should I learn again for the competition, it's not that I have learnt all of them, it's that there are too many things to be learnt. I decide to just focus on my part, not to learn new topics anymore. Then, that OB project, hufh, too many things that needed to be prepared of. Posters, tickets, judges, participants, gifts, tools, etc. My brain is kinda overwhelmed now, it's hard for me to relax it now. Keep on thinking and thinking. Hufh, this semester is surely a hectic one. Not even a single course has the same week with the normal week. Oh my, I really want to pass all of these things quickly. In a way, it's good that I'm kinda busy, but maybe it's too much of them...

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Say...comeback?

Have been quite busy these days, as mid term week has passed and left several weeks before this semester ends. Haaah, like usual, assignments and projects being thrown at almost the end of the semester. This lovely OB has the most assignments-presentation, writing essay and leadership project- that suddenly come as a storm inside my head. Too much things to think of at once. That leadership project is a one class project, where we should make an event. Hufh, hopefully it will be going well. Then, just had the mid test last week, this HRM will have its quiz next week. Haiya, can't even breathe for this subject. The 10 chapter tragedy will be repeated again. The final materials for HRM will be 10 chapters == That will be great I guess.

Although many things to be thought of, I have another big thing to do. I am happy and excited about it, as this is one of my dreams that comes true. I have been chosen to be one of the team member for the Accounting Star competition at USU =D This is kinda unexpected, because my head said that I'll join next year, but suddenly the seniors can't join. I am honored to be chosen, and I'll try my best to win this competition, although many things that still I haven't studied about. Actually, yesterday was the first day I studied with the seniors. At the first time, I was feeling awkward as I am the only junior inside the class XD Fortunately they were very friendly and welcoming, so I felt comfortable. They were also funny, told many jokes. At the first time I thought that they would be very serious, but then they talk a lot rather than study XD Yeah, God never fails to excite myself, thanks God for this chance =)

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Thoughts about buddy

Just saw an album of photos which was uploaded by my buddy at facebook. He went rafting with his tutorial group. Hmm, wondering how fun it would be. Meanwhile I never feel exciting things like that. I even dunno whether I'm ready for things like that or not. Funny if I think it over again. We are buddies with a lot of differences. He likes adrenaline-pumping things, while I like slow, calm things. He likes to play at water places, while I'm not. He likes to show up himself in front of people, while I like to be alone. He likes to smile to everybody, while I smile only to certain people. He likes to talk funny things, while I often talk bout serious things. He likes to procrastinate, while I wanna accomplish things as fast as possible. He likes to try something new, while I like to enjoy staying at my comfort zone. He likes to be involved in an organization, while I like to work alone. See? We have a lot of differences, and we are buddies =) Mostly he has the positive ones, and he taught me much of his traits. Yeah, now I try to learn to accept new things, speak in front of people, and smile or greet people. Maybe one thing that he can hardly change from me, love water places XD Dunno why I don't like places like those so much. Hmph, another thing to be given thanks for today =)

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Contradiction

Just had a ... what should I say? A quarrel? Or maybe an argument? Or things like that with my mom. It was bout my bro. I dunno why she could say things that contradicted what she had ever said. In short, she regretted why my bro chose to become a doctor. In my sense, there's nothing wrong with that. I know that it takes a long time to become a doctor, but that's what it's supposed to be. And the only reason why she regretted was only she wanted him to work as soon as possible. She said he couldn't work with his chosen job now. Oh My God, how narrow and shallow was my mom's thought. He could do his job, so what's wrong with that?! He could be a doctor at any place around the world. Why couldn't she think a simple thing like that? I remember that she won't force whatever major that we gonna choose in the university, but ironically she contradicted herself with regretting my bro's choice. It's okay that she regretted it in front of me, but how if my bro knows it? In another word, she could have destroyed his dream! So what if he can work now? Then, u ask him to get married? Then have a so-so life? Oh please, I dun want that life, I have dreams to be achived. My life is wasted if I do things like that. Haaah, sometimes I just wanna advice her, but she is too hard-headed for any advice, so I just keep shut up for my own good. May God bless her, open up her mind a lil' bit...

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Distance

Hey ya, before I'm babbling about my thoughts, I just wanna say Happy Chinese New Year to all of you who celebrated it, and also Happy Belated Valentine's Day =D Hmph, just saw 2 posts from dearest Purplelicious this morning, surprisingly in the Facebook groups. Since when she can do something like that? Haha, maybe just myself who don't know about that. 

What she posted were about friends again. Yeah, same thought as mine. All of us are getting apart, each day we are farther and farther. But this is life, this is human's nature, which we will getting apart farther as we have different purpose of life. We may sad about the distance, but this is what we should bear. It hurts to be alone, but then we can find things which can make us forget about the loneliness. And also don't forget, we all have God, no matter what your religion or belief is, we can find our God. 

Well, seems like I change my definition of 'buddies' again, the definition that will trash out my possessive nature =) For me, now 'buddies' are the ones who are more interested with my own life, who I can talk to just the way I am, who can 'thrust'  into the deepest place of my heart. They are no longer the ones that I must know every single things and plans that they did/do. We all are changing everyday, so that I must let go the 'used-to' them. The most important thing is that our memories, that we'll remember till the end of our life. Haaahh, thought of many things yet can't write it here, hahax =D

Half Cover Terjebak Nostalgia by Raisa

Did this just for fun actually =) Raisa - Terjebak Nostalgia (Half Cover) by daufquest on SoundCloud

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Another thought

This thought is also swimming in my mind's pool. Do my buddies ever think of me? Do they ever miss my presence? This is what I always wonder. I do miss them, I do think of them. Even sometimes I think them on every spare time that I have. Sometimes it's torturing, when I am missing them so much. But do they do the same thing as I do? Hmm, maybe no. It's because they are all busy, they have many activities to do while I have so much spare time. Sometimes I just wanna have a chat with them, but then I'm afraid of disturbing them. Maybe one more thing, am I too talktative to them? It's quite the opposite of me when I meet regular friends. When I'm with my buddies, it's just like I am the one who is talkative and they are the quite ones. Well, they used to be the one who are asking many things about me, but now I am the one who needs to find topics of our chats. I dunno since when this thing has happened. Haaaah, I just hope that nothing bad is gonna happened in our friendships...

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Random thoughts

Hmm, popped out these random thoughts in my mind. Let's start about one of my buddies, WE. I know that since we graduated from high school, we rarely meet again. Yeah, it's because he's very busy with his routine activities: go to university and work. Hardly I can see him has spare time in his life now. The only days he has spare time is when his university's holiday. Hmm, I think it's more than a half year that we never hang out with only two of us. This is the issue, something has gone between us. Yes, we're still buddies, but then we're not we used to be anymore. I mean that, it's just we lack of interests in each other's life now. I used to ask about his day, but then I found out I am kinda disturbing him, so I stop it. Hmph, cold, that's what I can describe about our friendship now. I'm afraid that we're getting further apart. I really miss the 'old' us. But then life surely changes constantly. I just can't adapt well to the changes, can't catch up with them.

Then, about my future. I'm kinda confused, about what will be the next plan after I graduated from college. I hope that my lecturer can refer me to companies, so that I can work directly after I graduated. I'm thinking of taking professional degree also, but I want to take it outside this city, maybe I'll take it at Jogja. My lecturer suggests me to take master degree at Aussie, and also working at the same time. Hmm, I think that I can postpone about the master degree, because I wanna get myself settled first. I don't wanna rely on my parents anymore after I can get my own money, and I wanna cover my education fees myself. Haah, hopefully what I plan will be going well. But in the end, it's God who will lead me to the right path =)

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Worst Phase of My Life?

Hmph, how I miss my school's life, where everything seemed to be going well, where everything was structured. There were clear things to do, clear directions to follow. How well my life was back then. I could achieve things well, thanks to those structured things. But now, I might say that this is the worst phase of my life. Well, in college, you can do what you want instead of studying. Now, I dunno what do I wanna do instead of studying. I wanna join an organization, but found none that excites me. I wanna do another activities, maybe some sports, but then transportation becomes the big issue. Hufh, I need something instead of studying, reading those e-books. Maybe what my lecturer said is right, I am in the wrong country. But precisely, wrong city. I'm very sick of this city already. This city is very stagnant I might say, barely find new things here. The society is also not that gives good influence on me.

Compare to what my buddies/friends do now after we are in colleges/universities, oh man, I am nothing. As big as 0. They join organizations, work, do another activities that interest them. While I am just studying, reading, online-ing, slacking around. Hufh, I am confused on how should I fix this. There is no such theories or guidelines to fix this. Plan to fix this is easy, but the implementation? Hmph, I can be very depressed because of these things. Oh God, please guide me to how it should be...

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Say, normal life?

Hmph, just realized life in a normal point of view. What I mean normal is like what we see in nowadays social life. Starting from my family. Whines, wishes, emotional conflicts, selfishness, nags, money matters, boredom. From my college friends, unnatural laughs, fake smile and care, luxury wishes, mutualism symbiosis. Hmph, this is so called 'normal' now. I'm kinda sick of society. Wanna find new society, a more mature and open-minded society. How I wish I lived in a society like that. Dunno why I suddenly nag things like this. Random thoughts, haha.

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Coming back

So, he will come back to hometown tomorrow. Surprisingly he informed all of us this time, as he never informs any one of his friends when he comes back. Hmm, this means that I should really plan well all of my plans, I bet he will held many outing days. I thought that he will come back after CNY, but I was very wrong from the first place, hahax XD Still have much time to hang out I guess, as mid term is next month. Haaah, always expect the unexpected XD Well, welcome home, buddy! =D

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A busy start

Woot, long time no post. Dunno why, just feel nothing to post for these weeks. Yep, I am in the 5th semester now. Fill with dominantly memorizing subjects == At the first time I think that why accounting students like me should study about Organizational Behaviour and Human Resources Management? After I read about the introduction chapter, I realized that both of them can support my career in the future. I must admit that I kinda enjoy the content of the books, although they are full of words and theories. Hmph, I already got a project for OB subject at week 1 == It's to interview employees, to ask their opinions about their supervisors. My group already interviewed two employees, left one to be interviewed tomorrow. Hope that it will be going well.

Talking about HRM, the lecturer is very very very great I think. He is kinda like Pak Rajin. He gives many lessons of life instead of HRM thingy. I think that he is successful already. Just imagine, have 1 business and gonna open up a new one next month, already get married and has 2 kids, and the most important one is that he really feels belong to my campus. Although he is strict, but he is not mean. Meeting him makes me feel warned, on how indiscipline I am now. Hope that I can be discipline again, hahax XD

Hah, 2 of my last semester grades hasn't come out. One of them is that "saekki" lecturer subject. I dun know what made her so long just to pass the grade paper to the academic. Unprofessional person will always be unprofessional. One more subject is MYOB, the lecturer has told us about the grades, but dunno why the result still hasn't come out. Hopefully got straight A again for last semester results XD

Feelings

Hmm, first post of the year. Well, Happy New Year 2013 to all my readers! =D Hope that this year can become a better year than previous year!

Had a hangout with Questers yesterday. Then, I felt nothing, that I didn't feel the usual ...bond. Something's been missing, I didn't know what it was. Yes, we still could laugh and share, but then it was not like the usual one. I'm afraid that I am the one who already have changed. Yesterday I tried to not talk about college thingy, but then I ran out of topic. I was not so me yesterday. Haaaah, after all, maybe that I should learn how to find another topic outside education things.

I've heard this thing long time ago, that Quest is not solid or divided. Hmph, for me, it's not like that. Logically, human beings will group together because they have the same vision or purpose. That makes why Quest was so solid at SHS, because we still have the same thing to pursue. But now, we are already at universities/college with our own major. Of course that we won't be that solid anymore, because we've already walked different path since we graduated from SHS. The only things that can prove that we are solid are that this group is still existed, and we still care about our group members. When one of us has a problem, we still care to help them anytime. I think that is the indicator of solidness now. Just remember that distance is not an obstacle for being solid. Believe this, we are separated because we are needed by other places, to help the places we go to grow. After all, I just wanna share what I think and I do hope that this group will continue its existence =)

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