Stucked

Waiting for the graduation day is such a pain for me, as my future will be decided after that day. Am I going for the master degree? Or I'll continue my professional degree? I really hope for the latter. But I don't want to expect anything, as life can be that twist. Whatever God decides for me, I'll try to follow it. Right now I feel so so so so stuck. I dunno what I want to do. I dunno what can make me happy. Just like everything I do stops giving me happiness. To be honest, I didn't feel happy at all when my group got the 2nd rank at IAF. I also didn't feel even a slightest bit of happiness when I passed my final skripsi convention. I dunno why. I wish I knew the reasons. So I can say that I am having a happiness crisis. After each day that I've passed, I feel like I should go to a new place. I need a breakthrough I guess. I'm very very densed till I dunno how to solve this crisis anymore. Maybe the first thing that I should do is stop doing this job as this is not my field and go to a new place. Please come faster graduation day, I can't survive days like these anymore.

Btw, someone has been baptized today, congratulations my buddy! I really hope that I can be baptized also someday O:)

Different Paths, Same Endings

A couple days ago, an old friend suddenly chatted with me and asked me how was the chronology of my quarrel with that person. After I answered and told her the main points of the story, she suddenly spilled out all her sadness. That was the second time I became a person who heard the heartbroken people shared their sadness. I couldn't comfort her well, I didn't know what to say. The funny thing was we reached the same conclusion about that person. Both of us had ever had a relationship with him, me as his friend, her as his girlfriend, and we arrived at the same end. Both of us ended each of our relationship with him, now he is ex-best friend to me and ex-boyfriend to her.

We reached the same conclusion. He is 'the peanut which forgets its shell'. The harsh word is he had a parasitism symbiosis with both of us. He forgot and forgets how he was back then. How we had helped him through his hard times. Well, it seems like what I said to her is right, he makes friend with the ones who can make his life better FINANCIALLY.

If you read this, and if you feel like I'm talking about you, then I'm very glad that you can realize it, means that you still have your humanity side. It's not like I want you to pay back everything that I had done to you, just remember the ones who had helped you back then. You know what, I even don't want to meet you anymore, as I don't know what to talk to you and even I can't determine who you are to me, a friend? I guess no. An acquaintance? Slightly true I guess. If someday you need to find me for something, just hope or pray (I'm doubt you'll do it) to God that I can share His love to you. But my humanity logic and my current state strongly want to avoid you. Hahax, so have a great life out there. Hope you can find anyone with enough money to support your life =)