Fall to winter

Hmm, I just felt my feelings with my buddies just like autumn season change to winter. Yeah, it's colder and colder. Something has been missing, the warmth, the laughters, the stories, the helping each other thingy. I really dunno why I feel that way. Although we are still buddies, but we are not we were used to be anymore. It is either all of you or me have changed. But that's life, no matter how hard you defend your consitency, you will change. Many forces that made us change, which we never realized it. Well, I just hope that the spring will come, when the warmth always exists in our hearts...

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Pre-final refreshing

Had a day out with Vutet and Wenny last two days. It was Trio Chubby day out!!!XD We planned for that immediately after Vutet had arrived in hometown. She fetched me from my campus around 1.15 pm then we went to school to fetch our kindergarten teacher. The moment she entered the car, her voice filled the whole car!!! XD She told us about her difficulties in becoming a kindergarten teacher. We decided to hang out at Sun plaza. When  we arrived, we went straight to the toilet, because Wenny wanted to change her teacher's uniform with casual clothes. Then we went to a cafe to have our lunch there. We shared lotsa stories there, lotsa fun and funny ones XD After that, we went to arcade to have some fun. The most funniest one was when we played dance game. At the first time, we still played 1vs1, but then, we played for 1 player with 3 people's legs XD We laughed a lot, and it was kinda embarrasing XD Then, these 2 giant girls wanted to eat dimsum, and we went to Nelayan. We felt hot and were sweating after played the dancing game, and still we ate dimsum with chili sauce XD We really needed cold drinks at that time XD After that, we took some silly photos, then we went to J.Co toeat again. Whoa, these two girls just like the usual them, eat at most of their time XD We continued to share our stories again until 7.30. Then, we went home. 

Today will be a sleepover day at one of my friends's house. I refused to join when my buddy asked me, but I reconsidered again when I tried to consult with one of my buddies, quite surprising that she could change my mind. I was too worry about my final exams. But, after I replanned my schedule again, then it won't be any problem. Gonna reached my target for today, and hope that I can have fun there =)

Long tiring day

Got no class for this morning, but still I had to go to campus to attend the afternoon class. Because there will be a quiz tomorrow, so I decided to study in the morning. Well, I was kinda lazy to attend IDP class, and fortunately today's class went well. The debate was not just like I expected, which was very different with once we had in English 2. This is easier, according to me. Just need to prepare more infos for the real debate on Thursday. After went home from campus, I decided on reviewing business marketing. Only two chapters that I have studied, left eight more. Oh God, please give me strength to study all of it. Then, I studied for tomorrow's quiz again after dinner.

Hufh, really tired. Tired of writing of course, because I need to write so much for tomorrow's quiz. Hmm, one of my best friends is back to hometown today, we decided to hang out on Thursday. Hope that it will be a great day to hang out =)

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Disappear

How if I am disappeared from this world? Disappear from my family, friends, and buddies. Will anyone try to find me? Will anyone care with me? Will anyone feel anxious about me? I really wonder that whether I am meant something to people around me or not. Seems like I am no worth at all to all of them. Is it better for me to just disappear?

I've been so sad these days. My feeling was just hurt, really hurt. Seeing how things has changed, where my friends have changed to better ones, while I still remain the same old me. God, when is my time? This sadness has tortured me for days. Hufh, fortunately final can relieve my pain for a while. Somehow works =|

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Exhausted

Tonite is supposed to be a fun nite. But, this body, mind and soul won't let me to have that. Woke up in a chaotic mind, too many things to think of. Just spent today by reviewing Accounting for next week quiz, and find information for next week's debate. This body is tired, physically and mentally. How I really wish to hang out, but the condition didn't let me to. Tonite is the last night for my bro to have night shift, and that means my 'lonely' night will end. 

Feel like being abandoned by my buddies these days. Dunno why I feel like that. I know that they are busy, or they just ignore me? I dunno when will I free from this so-called 'lonely' prison. I wanna know who will take me out from that 'prison'. Jokes, games, and study are just 'morphine' to me, relieve me for a while, then feel this kind of feeling again. Will I have to face this for the rest of my life? Sounds horrible if it's true. Maybe I should sleep earlier before I hurt myself over and over again...

Irony

After what had happened today, I keep on thinking this thing : We pay more for the lecturer, but the things that we get from him is less than a teacher. The things that I mean are not only knowledge, but also positive life lessons. University is one level higher than high school, but how can the things that we get are lesser than high school? Such an irony I think. Yeah, there is one lecturer that I don't like. If you keep on following my posts, you will know who the lecturer is. According to me, this lecturer is the most not professional one, really. The lecturer is older than us, even can be considered as mature person, but, the lecturer's acts are just like us. I don't how can this college can employ this kind of person. This lecturer is keep on doing kind of "bullying" acts because the lecturer has the authority. This lecturer is a post-graduate one, but the lecturer's mental (EQ) is less than undergrad. I really want to comment about him, but still, I don't have that power. This lecturer counters our critics at most of the time, never wants to receive our critics. Such a pity person. This lecturer still has a long way of life, but doesn't want to change into a better person. Well, let it be, it's the lecturer's choice after all. This lecturer is not worth to be cared of. I just decided to keep on silent at the lecturer's lesson, just speak to the lecturer when needed. Fortunately left 2 meetings with the lecturer, after that, I will be really grateful that I won't meet him again, because the lecturer doesn't teach Accounting students for another subjects.

Hufh, seems like every Tuesday is a tough one, kinda tired and sleepy. Some subjects have ended, while some left 1-2 meetings more. Wanna rest, but final is coming. Really hope that I can do my best for the final. Oh yeah, he will face exams as well start from tomorrow. Hope the best for ya, buddy, will always pray for you =)

A year of confession day

Time sure flies. It has been a year since that day. The day he tried to save our friendship. The day he cried over our friendship. The day he poured out all of the things which I had been questioned for years. Yeah, this is the day that I never forget. All of the things that he did, changed my whole point of view about our friendship, and also about Questers. Flashed back to that day made me smile, and always feel grateful that I have such an amazing best friend. His courage to admit his faults, to try to do all things so that we wouldn't turn into strangers again. He could speed up the heal of my wound. When I tried to forget him, and he came to make me always remember him. Since that day, I never ever regret on having him as my buddy. Yeah, God is so good, such a good fate that I can meet him in my life =) Now, I always pray for him, and always try to help him when he needs help. Really hope that this friendship bond, never ever break down. Amen...

Reply

Read her post this morning. What she wrote just as what I felt and wrote last year. The only difference is the cause why we could feel and able to write something like that. Well, it was emo when I read her post, but I understand, because I ever did the same thing. Him, the one who can recover my wound rapidly. After that, I am really grateful on having friends like Questers, although sometimes they are annoying, and it's not their fault if they are like that. You may be angry with them, but still, they are precious ones to lose. Because of him, I changed my point of view about them. She also said that her right to become friend with 'that person', and she is ashamed hearing them told bad things about him. Yes, you are right, it's your own opinion. It's not that we don't want you become friends with 'that person', we just want you to be careful, not to follow or adapt 'that person' 's bad attitude. It's my opinion, so it's your choice whether to accept it or not. You are mature enough to decide it. Hmm, although I was quite upset, but that was the sign that I cared to her =) It was just her way to pour up things into her post. This is just my reply to her post. Hope she will be okay soon =)

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Trade-off

This thought have come out in my mind these days. Seeing my buddies are busy at most of the time, I begin to think of this thing. This university life is the opposite of my school life.  Compare to them, I am far far away more relax than them, whereas my school life was very very busy. Then, I rarely learn to talk in front of many people, and now, in university, I have used to with talking to many people, especially on giving speech and doing presentation. One more thing, I never read my textbooks on detail when I was in high school, but now, I read all of my subjects' books. This is quite a trade-off, analogically.

Hufh, just spent today on preparing Friday's presentation and read Business Marketing book, have to pace up before the final test. This semester is quite challenging one, gonna do my best for the final. Left 40 days, and I still haven't started to think of what should I do, gonna need some help from my buddy. Hopefully, I can make it on time.

Tonight is just another lonely night, when will this feeling leave me? When will I find someone who can always be there for me so that I won't feel alone again? Only God who knows it...

Too productive (?)

Hufh, it was a tiring day today. Started from Financial Management, we discussed some questions, then went on to the final chapter. After the lecturer had finished with his 'babblings', he gave us exercises again. That was just the warming up. Then, my group decided to record again one scene of our ad, it took only half an hour to finish that. Fortunately, the video quality is not bad eventhough we didn't use DSLR camera. Then, I had lunch at the canteen as usual, spent about one hour to chit-chat with my friends. Today's class supposed to start at 1, but the lecturer delayed it to 3, so we spent our spare time by finishing our homeworks. Yop, I finished all of them at library, since the homeworks are not that hard. The lecturer was late for half an hour, damn == Another good thing again was I was the first person to present the graduation speech == Fortunately again, I did well on the speech. Thanks God =) The class ended at 5, then I went home.

I was very tired today. I pushed myself again on reading Business Marketing textbook, since I just got the missing part from my friend. I was too sleepy, and at last, like finally, I finished one chapter. After that, I just went online, tired of any college thingy. Maybe today was too prosuctive, tired, but one side, I felt grateful that I can spend my day like this again, since I rarely face this condition after graduated from high school. Keep ganbatte for future!!!=)

=| =| =|

Hmm, just spent my weekend by doing my group's marketing project. It is done actually, just I will let my group members see first tomorrow to know whether there is an improper thing or not. I also spent my time on memorizing the graduation speech, really hope that this speech will meet the lecturer's standard. Tomorrow is already week 10, but some are still week 9, that means this semester left 2-3 weeks more. Woah, time sure flies. Great thing is I haven't thought of the concept, gonna find a time to think == 

Well, something made me upset today. Yeah, my mom. She blamed me indirectly. As usual, my father will ask what to eat for dinner. My mom's bad habit always comes out. Never want to say what she wants to eat, and said she will follow what we eat. Then, after my father bought the food, she will say "Lho, you buy this food?". Implicitly, she rejected it. That made me feel angry, really. She said she follows whatever we want, but then she doesn't want it. Hufh, tired with her almost every week. She is the one who always advise me to eat any food that is served, yet she herself is just like me. Such an irony == Dunno what to say, I just can tell that nowadays parents don't know what it takes to be parents. Their responsibilities are keep on diminishing every day. I just don't want to be like them if I become a parent one day...

Past 'Glory'

Today is the announcement day of who passed the SNMPTN. One of my friends passed and got Accounting major at my ex-university, so did my junior. Well, kinda happy with that, they could achieve what they wanted. Haahh, seeing this might make me reminiscing of my past 'glory'. When I got the major that I believed that it was what I wanted. Yes, I admit that the happy feeling is so so so so overwhelming than anything else. But, that was the beginning of my 'fake' life path. Quite sad, but it taught me a lot. And fortunately I also go back to my 'real' life path. Hopefully, there is no other me outside there. Hope that what they have achieved are really what they wanted...

Seems like I have to prepare for tomorrow, gonna finish all of those things. Gonna crunch all of them XD

Give Thanks

All of my mid exams results are out. Well, I should give thanks to God, as I got nice results on all of the mid exams. Yeah, really grateful on what I have now. I am nothing without God. I may be envy with other people, but still, I have something that other people don't have =) Just spent my afternoon by remaking my speech again. Hopefully this time it will be a good speech. Spent one and half hours to solve Financial Management questions, for the final exam preparation. 

I planned on continuing E grand plan, and I did it. But, the progress stuck. I don't have any idea anymore, but I will try my best to help him. I still have some weeks left, then I should keep on struggling for the best for him...

What a day

Huh,tired from today. Started from quite bad news from Financial Management lecturer who told us about the materials for final exam, which is 6 chapters. Oh God, how to study all of them, since this subject has many terms to know and many formulas to memorize == Then, for the IDP class, the lecturer changed the requirement for the speech again, and that means I have to change my speech again. This is the second time I change my script for this type of speech == Another quite tiring thing was Financial Management's homeworks. This new chapter is such a pain, really hard to understand and I spent about two and half hours to finish the homeworks. Dunno how will it be in the final exam...

Hufh, got class till 3 again tomorrow. Tired for today. Gonna think of the speech, about the marketing project, and E grand plan. Just need to encourage myself, then I can finish all of them. I will beat all of those things!!!! Ganbatte for myself =)

Lonesome

Today's weather is a perfect one to feeling blue. Yes, cloudy even rain from morning till late afternoon. Fortunately, my day was not that blue today, although I didn't why I like to have that missing feeling again. Spent my whole afternoon on my group's marketing project. My friends and I went to one of my friend's house to make an advertisement for our product. Yeah, fortunately it went well, we laughed a lot when we were taking the scenes. Even I can still laugh if I remembered those scenes again XD 

Hufh, but that happy feeling was short-term one, now, I feel lonely again. How can I make this feeling fade away? And now, I even hardly feel blue again. I'm afraid that, this is a sign that I'm farther and farther from my old friends. If I could choose, I chose to feel that feeling although it tortures me a lot, rather than I lost my friends. What's inside me now, I even can't tell what's it. Blank. Cold. Or lonely?

Too over?

Reread my notes that I posted to my facebook in the afternoon today. Well, I think that I was very emo at that time. When I was reading it, I felt hurt. Funny, it was written by me and yet, I felt the pain as if another person read it. And I think that how 'lebay' I was at that time. But yeah, that was me. Only my buddy at Jogja knew about those notes =)

If I think over and over again, those notes became the channel of my reconciliation with my friends. Him, the one who made me change my point of view toward himself, and my friends. Really thanks to him I suppose. If he didn't know it, then I think until today, I never talk to him anymore, and I also never hang out with Questers anymore. Guess what people said are right, there are always two ways in seeing one thing, good one and bad one. That is proved. Hmm, dunno why I think of this thing and post it, hahax XD

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