Random

A lil' bit long time no posting here...Well,seems like this Jan isn't good for me. Feel nothing and pass through it without special things. Still I can't solve my probs,and I always try to find the solution. I know that God never sleep, but I really hope I can solve it as soon as possible. These days are full of sadness, I always feel sad whenever night comes. But, maybe I must look things from different point of view, that there are things which I can be happy and grateful by having them...

Oh yeah, I had a lil' long chat with one of my buddy. How I miss chatting with him. We talked a lot, and I still missing him, especially his cheerful smile. Pity him on having little holiday. Really hope that he can make it to Medan this Feb.

Yeah, I can just proud of my academic performance. I got 'A' for all of my tested first semester subjects, but dunno about the 'one-meeting' subject. At least, I have something to be proud of, but still it doesn't make anything better, those are just scores... Wanna sleep, but have to do the tradition of every year. Really hope that I can speak well at tomorrow's English class and give the the best for my first speech...

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New Semester~

Yep, I have been in a new semester now, the second semester. But things went not good, as the lecturers are not as good as the first semester. The subjects are also quite difficult. I should study harder for this semester. By the way, my first semester results are good, I already got 4 'A's...XD Hope for microecons I got A too, and my GPA will be above 3.5... I know that this semester will be hard, but I should really try my best on every subjects. This is just the second semester, many semesters to go, I can't be give up easily.

Seems like "Purplelicious" has got some surprised in her new semester...XD She got accounting & finance subject, and what makes me surprise is that the syllabus. Her accounting materials is equal to my accounting 1+2 materials!! What a surprise, and she got shocked on it. She told me to teach her, and I'm really happy for it...XD At least, I can help my friend rather than just encourage her. My other buddy, Wenny, also asked me to teach her. Hahax, I'm just college student but they really trust me. I'm so honored with that. I must help them as much as I can.

Hufh, tomorrow's gonna be macroecons, which taught by Sir Helmut. He has a very good English that I can barely hear every words he said. Hope I won't fall asleep in tomorrow's class. And I must do my English assignments. Hufh, it's hard to encourage myself, but I must keep going on. Ganbatte!!!

Love

Hufh, my family just don't know the way how to express love. That's why we never celebrate birthday just like others' families do, we never give presents, we never tell each other's private problems, we rarely take pics, even we never hug. How can I live in a such family, I mean, I can barely do something that expressing love to my family. It's not I'm a rude person, but my parents never teach something like this. They (especially my mom) teach me with discipline, not love. Sometimes, I ask this fool question to myself," Do I really belong to this family?". No wonder why I keep asking myself like that, because of their no-love act.

Sometimes I really envy with my friends' families. They can chit-chat easily, laugh together, even solve problems together. It seems like my family educate me to be strong, but that make me into a heartless person in my family. Even now I feel like I don't have to do anything for them. What's wrong is they only know to fulfill my physical needs, not my mental needs. I don't understand why I belong to this family. Sometimes, I'm tired of being at this family. That's why I wanted to choose outside Medan university back then, because I already felt very bored and couldn't stand any longer in this family.

Is it very hard to express love, mom and dad? Why do you feel ashamed when you express it? It is just a natural affection of human. I even love my friends more than my family, because my friends care with my problems much than my family. Sometimes they are angry why I give more attention to my friends, it's because you guys never understand me. You are my parents, who have raised me, how can you just only know how to fulfill my physical needs?

Holiday has never been good to me, it's because of this. I'm tired of being stayed at home. I just feel that life much harder after I graduated from high school. Really, it's hard. I just can pray to God that everything will be okay. God, can you change my family? I want them to become a full of love in raising three of us. My bro seems to be like my parents too. I'm tired, feels like wanna explode or fade away from this world. Only with Jesus, I can feel very comfortable...

Gosh

Oh gosh,I really dunno why I can't stop thinking him everytime I see him ol at fb... I'm really tired being like this at this holiday... Ninth, please come faster, I can barely survive at this holiday... God,please always bless him... Amen...

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Sigh

Hufh, these days I pass with a thought of my best friends. I dunno why I really miss them, I always feel sad when I remember them. It's a kind like a nothing-to-do syndrome, which I always start remembering my high school life and my best friends. I really, really wanna hang out with them, share some stories, reminiscing memories, etc. Still, I dunno if my best friends are really admit me as one of their best friends. I make them as my best friends because they are the ones who really give me a great effect in my life. I dunno what feeling inside me now, but I feel really sad, empty, hurt, that can make me cry now.

Looking at their progress in their college life, they are such great persons. They have achieved many things, when I'm just spending my time for many useless activities. I envy them very much, that I really wanna achieve something great in this year. I really need to repeat my shining year to motivate me and encourage me again. I think they are really happy at the place where they belong to now, except Purplelicious. She suffered much at her new place. I just think positively that I am still needed in Medan, while they are needed at another places. Yeah, achieving something great isn't easy, it needs patience, hard work, discipline and sacrifices. Not only that, I really wanna prove to my family that I can make them proud of me. But still, even I have achieved something great, they are just "Oh,great!", "Nice, keep it up", "Clever boy". But I don't care, it's just God who make me success, I just need to make God proud too. I just wanna use what God give to me.

Maybe this will boost up my life very much : having a car. Without a car, I can't do many things. Too much things. Maybe I can do some sort of things at holiday if I have a car. I don't beg for a luxury car, just a second used car is okay. I just wanna practice my driving skill, so I can be more useful. That's just simple, but seems my parents hardly to understand it. Finally, my holiday is less than one week. I can't wait to study again and see my first semester results. Hope I get nice grades.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year to all of my friends...=) Seems like it's late, but it's okay...

I have posted this video, but this time is dedicated to my best friends, who maybe never know that this blog exists. I almost cry when I watch this episode yesterday... I really hope this video can teach us about our friendships. =)