Love

Hufh, my family just don't know the way how to express love. That's why we never celebrate birthday just like others' families do, we never give presents, we never tell each other's private problems, we rarely take pics, even we never hug. How can I live in a such family, I mean, I can barely do something that expressing love to my family. It's not I'm a rude person, but my parents never teach something like this. They (especially my mom) teach me with discipline, not love. Sometimes, I ask this fool question to myself," Do I really belong to this family?". No wonder why I keep asking myself like that, because of their no-love act.

Sometimes I really envy with my friends' families. They can chit-chat easily, laugh together, even solve problems together. It seems like my family educate me to be strong, but that make me into a heartless person in my family. Even now I feel like I don't have to do anything for them. What's wrong is they only know to fulfill my physical needs, not my mental needs. I don't understand why I belong to this family. Sometimes, I'm tired of being at this family. That's why I wanted to choose outside Medan university back then, because I already felt very bored and couldn't stand any longer in this family.

Is it very hard to express love, mom and dad? Why do you feel ashamed when you express it? It is just a natural affection of human. I even love my friends more than my family, because my friends care with my problems much than my family. Sometimes they are angry why I give more attention to my friends, it's because you guys never understand me. You are my parents, who have raised me, how can you just only know how to fulfill my physical needs?

Holiday has never been good to me, it's because of this. I'm tired of being stayed at home. I just feel that life much harder after I graduated from high school. Really, it's hard. I just can pray to God that everything will be okay. God, can you change my family? I want them to become a full of love in raising three of us. My bro seems to be like my parents too. I'm tired, feels like wanna explode or fade away from this world. Only with Jesus, I can feel very comfortable...