Looked Stupid

Recently, dunno why I'm excited in making the second part of Quest Letter, especially to those who I consider as my close friends. Did 3 of them, but then the last one was maybe a disaster to me. I did it last night, and got not a good respond from the person. This 'complicated' friend just responded with 'what is this' and laughed. That was not the climax of it, the climax was that she told Questers through Line's group chat. How could she 'telmi' like that? Really, I never expect that she could be like that. I was very embarrassed and speechless. I am looked so stupid, really stupid maybe. I decided to delete that note. Maybe it's time for me to stop hoping that we can be close friend. Yeah, she never catch the signal. It's better that we are just so-so friend, a friend that helps and talks when we need each other. This is not a failure, this is a lesson for me. Hmph, maybe it's better this way...

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Crisis

Just googled on the ways to preserve a long distance friendship. Felt kinda stupid on searching that. It's not that I dunno how to preserve it, especially with nowadays' technologies. I opened up a blog about someone who has a buddy. He wrote that friendship needs to be maintained by both sides. Not just receive, but also give. Not just to be understood, but also understand. Not just to be helped, but to help as well. Not just to be listened, but also to listen. I dunno, I just feel that I am the one who did most of the last phrases of those sentences. I'm already tired of struggling alone. I'm not a super human who can bear all of the things. If they care, they should have been struggling for it as well, but I can't find that until now. Should I give up on them? I will think thousand times on it, but I also feel tired already at the same time. Should the July 14th things happen again for the second, third, so on time? Haahhh, this life can be stressful sometimes...

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Amnesia Like

This afternoon I read a note posted by a friend of my buddy, it was about his disappointment towards some friends of his in relation to Christian. After I read that note, I finally knew the real meaning of disappointment. It was normal for a human to be disappointed, but Jesus doesn't want it. So we should go back to what we used. Maybe I was also disappointed with my buddies. But, how do I go back to what I used to be? I forgot the way I talk or share with them, as our intensity of meeting each other can be counted with one side of hand. Just like having an amnesia. Just now I chatted with one of my buddies. It was very cold indeed, I myself even lied to her as I said that I was alright. I dunno how to go back to two years ago situation, when we could chat and share everything we want. I know that I'm the one who is changed, and I'm still trying to stop that change and go back to where I used to be. A dillema of my life. This ego feeling often stops me from starting a chat with them. God,  please help me solve this problem...

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